Robert Miles, Dreamland (1996)
Tell me a fable – alright, peep this, some douche called Robert Miles will, in 1994, write same lame-o pre-chillout/post-house piece of fluff replete with no-frills eurotrash drum machine and all-trills late-night Clayderman Piano By (Empty) Candelabra tosh. He would call the song Children and release a bunch of different versions of it – mostly they now sound like the music that plays during the menu of a particularly poor DVD choice; some DVD about pygmies that eat each other in Peru perhaps. Or worse yet something your old man made – a bunch of still images of family vacations: you with a broken arm after falling off a trampoline at some camping ground in the 1980s, wearing a pair of naff gold shorts even. Underneath it’s pulsing and strobing and coughing and trying to oonst-oonst when really it’s just going pfff-pfff. And that’s Robert Miles. An Italian DJ that made a packet with tinny home recording. There’s your fuckin fable! The album would be released in 1996 – Dreamland – and it was at least certainly a cure for insomnia. So why do I have this album – on vinyl no less? I bought a stack of techno and drum’n’bass records off a dude once. I was working in a music store and he came in late at night and wanted to sell them. I told him the store didn’t buy the records but I might. He showed me the records. There were about 25 or so. Some Japanese stuff, some French, some American – a lot of it was stuff I’d never heard of. Some of it was great. The best thing there was a box-set of Detroit techno – 12” stuff; white labels. He wanted $125 for the lot. I offered him $60. He took it. It was almost certainly a dodgy deal. But I did get tricked in to owning a Robert Miles double-album. So why have I kept it all this time? Because I thought it was funny. And why have I just listened to it? So I could write this. And what’s my pay-off, my punchy it-was-worth-it closing line? I don’t really have one. Though it would appear I have become a question-talker wouldn’t you say? Yes, yes I would (but then I would say that). I see Robert Miles released a new album this year. I would like people to think of this twat (if they do ever think of him) as the Dan Brown of techno.
Sample Track: Fable
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