Toto, Toto (1978)
Oh god, as soon as I even think of this album I hear that opening instrumental, Child’s Anthem in my head. I can’t escape it. It’s like gym music got dressed up by Jim Steinman and is currently out and about in the passenger seat cruising, looking for good times. Good lord, Toto is awful – which of course means the debut album is awful. In fact I’m sure I’ve already explained the rules about Toto albums and the one you are allowed to own. I have this record still because way back my brother had this on tape. And we used to listen to it heaps – hooked in to Hold The Line big time. I grew, very quickly, to hate Toto. And the thing I hate the most is the defense – “they’re great musicians”. And then some total bore will go on to tell you about all the great records they played on. Well, guess what, a couple of years ago I interviewed Steve Lukather and that giant bore goes on about all the great records he played on. He doesn’t need the fans to do it. He does it himself. Toto might actually be the world’s worst band because who cares how good they are – they sound, most of the time, like shit. Their songs are awful. It’s a bit like how Billy Joel is music for music teachers, well Toto is like the king of bands for music teachers. You imagine groups of music teachers forming bands, all working endlessly on their own versions of Toto songs and their own originals that sound just like Toto songs (which is euphemistically saying they sound like shit). Next time you think of the word shit – you think to use it in any context – replace it with the word Toto. You’ll have some fun. It’ll help you get through the day. It’ll remind you – if you need the reminder – to never, never listen to the band’s music ever again.
Sample Track: I’ll Supply The Love
The Vinyl Countdown is a document of every LP I listen to, brand new discoveries and old-old favourites; extremely pre-loved, previously abandoned or with the shrink-wrap having just been removed it’s all here at The Vinyl Countdown