Well, this was something new. Watching porn in a boardroom with a bunch of strangers. Wednesday morning. You check your watch, 10.11am. Yep, definitely something new. Something different. There were three young women – in their 20s, most likely. And there was a guy older than you, probably 50, 50-ish. The woman leading the discussion had a stutter – which seemed to speak for anyone’s nervousness when she said, “and na-now we’re ga-gah-going ta-ta-ta wah-watch a pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-porn ca-clip…”
A guy in dungarees was hunched over the laptop – he pressed play. And the scene started. Classic old-school fantasy-situation porn. The cop knocks on the door, he’s got his hand wrapped around the elbow of a young woman. She’s in short shorts and a tank top. And her mum – dressed similarly and looking about six years older than her daughter, max, opens the door with her best ‘why, I do declare’ breathlessness. “Officer, what seems to be the problem?”
“The problem”, he says sternly, “is I found your daughter sucking cock in the parking lot…” Or something like that.
“Well”, breathless bimbo-mum says with an aggressive flirty-ness, “was she ANY GOOD??”
Aw shucks from the officer. He couldn’t possibly comment. He’s looking, erm, a bit stiff.
Eyes around the table now, some of the people aren’t watching, they’re writing, more pretending to write. The woman in charge has her head down low. She’s sat through this with strangers before. She’ll never get used to that/she’s totally used to it.
“Well there’s only one thing that can happen now”, says the porn star mum. “Officer you’ll have to let her suck your cock, she has to show me if she’s ANY GOOD”. Mummy does not want to be embarrassed.
Coy-cop undoes his belt, the camera lingers, this thing comes out of his trousers. This, erm, truncheon. His nightstick…
Daughter goes to work. Mum cheers her on. Then cheers on the cop. Tells him to get more aggressive. Harder. More. “You fuck that fa…”
“Ra-rah-right, tha-that’ll da-da-da-da-do, wah-we ga-get tha-tha-tha ja-ja-ja-ja-gist!” And the tech-nerd guy hits pause.
Now you are asked to discuss what you’ve seen. This scene. This focus group. They try to focus. They all look up past the table to the projector screen. Extreme close-up. Enormous cock in mouth.
“Mah-maybe ya-you cah-could pa-pause it on ah-ah-ah-nother sha-sha-sha-shot?” comes the suggestion, and fumbling tech nerd starts clicking and hitting and jabjabjab/abort-abort-abort, then a scramble as the AV-cord is pulled, the laptop slammed shut, a bright blue screen appears.
Blue skies…
“The first thing I noticed”, says one of the young women, “was the reinforcement of binary stereotypes” – because, yeah, suddenly this would all be okay, watching porn in a boardroom with strangers if someone was completely in control of the pronouns or not defined by them, nor by the way god – or their parents at least – made them; was rocking a cock down in that frock perhaps; was not just what society tells them they have to be, was able – maybe – to actually fuck themselves. That would fix this all. After all, that would make sense of this and that’s the issue here obviously.
Ah, something was definitely being reinforced, and it was NOT binary stereotypes, you think but do not say.
“Cah-can you sa-see anything else that ma-ma-might have been a prah-prah-problem?”
“Erm, well, when she started suckin’ his cock”, one of the other young women starts, “it was alright – pretty standard. But it did start getting a bit aggressive. I think maybe that whole face-fucking thing was, erm, well…a bit hard”. She’s not making a joke. And there are several strong nods around the table. Such a good point.
“Well, I think it was pretty similar – really – to the porn I used to watch when I was younger”, says the old guy. And as he’s saying it he can see that he should not be saying that, or anything. Not unless he’s going to condemn it. He turns slightly purple before he finishes his sentence.
“I have no idea why anyone would ever watch this”, says someone else – who has just watched this.
“Tha-these are all va-valid pah-pah-points” accesses the accessor. “But pah-pornography is out tha-there, and wah-we da-dah-don’t always ga-get to scra-screen it fah-first. So pah-people are wah-watching this. The thing is to be ah-wah-ware of the tha-themes…”
And just as you’re wondering if this means anything the third woman from the group pipes up, “I don’t think I could watch that ever again. I mean there’s Pornhub and all these places people can go, and obviously do, and porn is fine, but I was offended by how SEXIST that was, how UNFAIR it was, how horrible it was”. Because one clip, chosen at random, must speak for all clips – even the unchosen.
And there are more nods.
The guy that admitted to watching skin-flicks back in his day, has his head down now.
You figure he’s working on his own stutter. A chance for redemption.