He wasn’t all that smart. But – kinda naturally enough when you think about it – he didn’t actually know that. Probably he thought he actually was quite smart. But let me tell you now (which is what I’m doing) he wasn’t. He was kinda thick. Kinda pig-shit thick. But it could be funny. Like that time he tried to make a point as the bills were stacking up. And he was all dramatic as he prioritized. It was all fuck this and cut down on that and stick this. But he was adamant about one thing. We would always pay the Sky bill. That was crucial. Because he had to have his sport. “They can”, he said, holding court, “cut the phone off – for all I care. They can cut off the internet. I don’t give a shit”. And then he wound up for his big finish. “They can even cut the fucking power off. But we are paying the goddamn Sky bill!” And you laughed. Twice. You laughed the first time because you thought it was pretty funny that anyone would think that this was a clever thing to say. And then you realised that he wasn’t being clever. Possibly because he hadn’t ever been clever. And certainly wasn’t about to start. Not on this day anyway. So you laughed for the second time. And you got called a faggot.