The first I knew of
Ted Nugent was ‘Cat Scratch
Fever’ – it seemed to be the first
thing anyone knew of Nugent
the way most people know
Ted Nugent is through the
awful things he says, like:
“What’s a feminist anyways? A fat pig
who doesn’t get it often enough?
(Don’t laugh! Don’t laugh at that!)
Ted Nugent loves to talk about guns and
hunting and eating meat.
Ted Nugent somehow transcended from
bogan rocker to political commentator
or – is that regressed?
He has said so many awful things.
A dullard’s attempt at shock value.
You are not allowed to like Ted Nugent’s
music. I mean, you are – but you are obviously
an awful human being if you do like his music…
because much as we love to
say that the man and the music can be
for Nugent it is all a shtick.
(It is all shit)
Speaking of shit, Nugent boasts
that he avoided the Vietnam War draft
by not bathing for a month and shitting
in his own pants. He turned up high on
crystal meth and stinking of poos and wees
That is how this “Man’s Man” avoided
But he reckons he would have been a
A good soldier would need to first
be a soldier.
That wouldn’t matter as much – Ted avoiding
the war – but now he’s a warmonger, and he says
things like the Sandy Hook school massacre
was a result of a decrease in family values,
the decaying, the rot…
Ted Nugent has failed marriages behind him – more than
most. He’s also, presumably, ruined other marriages. He’s
had nine kids to seven women.
You have to guess that he’s not a good father. But certainly
he couldn’t navigate his way towards actual family values with a map
and a canteen of water, couldn’t make a mark with one of his guns.
“Well, I don’t care if you’re just thirteen/You look
to good to be true”
That’s from ‘Jailbait’, a song that Ted Nugent wrote; a song
that suggests Gene Simmons could even win The Nobel Prize.
Big man that Ted Nugent is – he not only fucks underage women. He
grovels to their parents to take on legal guardianship so he can
keep them, like slaves…
Such fever to scratch
at any cat.
Such desperation from one
Ted Nugent will do and say anything to appear
on TV or in print or even in a poem. (I only put him here because
I just know Ted Nugent would hate poems).
Ted Nugent is about to turn 69.
You just know he’ll get a kick
out of that.