Oh Madonna, where did the years go! You were my Material Girl, draped in pearls, a precocious wee girl – nearly twice my age, but listening to your records it was hard not to hear the idea that one day we just might get together.

Then you were Vogue-ing it – striking a pose. Everyone knows – except you – that you are no actor. But Madonna, I am over 30, which means you’re over 50 –

tell me:                                      where did the years go?