to an editor
I didn’t mean to.
It just slipped out.
It was the early days
of emailing and that
little ‘x’ was a fucking
boomerang, if you know
what I mean.
If you don’t, I’ll tell you what
I mean, it came right back.
The editor sent me one: BOOM
But not before writing in a revoltingly
shock-flirt, mock-cute voice, “Oh, a wee
‘x’ – is that for me?”
I panicked. And wrote back, “it’s more of a
X, you know like X-marks-the-spot!”
(I know, right? What the actual fuck…?)
So we devised a plan. The next time I was due
to drive up to collect my CDs to review I would
send a proxy.
I’d been collecting CDs for months, and under at least
one other editor and I’d only ever seen a receptionist.
But, suddenly, it was time to better-be-safe
rather than time to be-sorry.
So my mate bounds in. Collects the CDs. And,
you fucking guessed it, the editor was waiting.
She said, “Simon?” And my mate said, “Nah, just
a friend helping out. He’s tied up I’m sorry”.
My mate reported back that I should definitely
not have sent a kiss in my email, nor any
sort of X to mark that particular spot.
And we drove off laughing.
He was bursting with it. Almost crying…
I was almost crying too…
I had to cough a bit until it turned into
something resembling a laugh.