Off The Tracks

Off The Tracks
  • Blog
    • Interviews
    • Miscellany
    • Special Guests
    • Reviews
  • Podcasts
  • The Vinyl Countdown
  • Back Catalogue
  • About
    • About
    • About the banner image
    • On Song
October 7, 2014 by Simon Sweetman

Only Lovers Left Alive: DVD

Lovers AliveOnly Lovers Left Alive

Director: Jim Jarmusch

Madman

Jim Jarmusch has been phoning in material for over a decade now – the start of the slide was when he was applauded for the awful, indulgent, pointless Coffee & Cigarettes (which might as well have been called Tom Waits and Jack White, since you can’t say a bad word about either). He made a handful of great films but all that “godfather of independent cinema” nonsense has allowed him to purposely obfuscate – he’s playing a game, surely. Seeing what he can get away with. How about a vampire film where I forget the fucking teeth? That might as well have been the pitch behind this.

Only Lovers Left Alive is a love story – with (pointless) hints of vampirism – and it’s yet another tale of a bored, depressed, jaded musician (the musician-as-vampire, how perfect) who (just) needs love too.

Cue Tom Hiddleston (Adam) and Tilda Swinton (Eve) – yes Adam and Eve, but that’s hilarious if you enjoyed Iggy Pop and Tom Waits holding each other’s dicks under the table while doing nothing else but pulling one over the audience – and they span time together. They fly by night. They get a bit exhausted. They have a little bit of blood – though not much. And they hang – once or twice – with the 400 year old Marlowe (cue gah!Shakespeare jokes) from John Hurt, who presumably drained the blood (and appearance) of Sir Ian McKellen for his nearly-role here doing mostly-nothing.

Cringe-worthy in-jokes – little name-drops falling like hipster potpourri – culminate with the embarrassing mention of Jack White in a drive-by of the house where he was raised (all this blood-draining/blood-drained ennui takes place in Detroit). Apparently he was “actually his mother’s seventh son” – oh ffs, this film has sucked my time and money, it might as well take my blood too.
Yes, yes, it’s all gorgeous in its look, and mood – the sets, the lighting, but the film’s big point seems to be to show Tilda doing a slow-twirl more than once to incongruous music. Immaculate soundtrack choices, a lovely score (Jarmusch with regular collaborator Jozef Van Wissem) but seriously, it’s all delivered at such a brutally embarrassing slow-pace. And I say this as someone who loved Dead Man. I see Only Lovers is being billed as Jarmusch’s “most poetic film since Dead Man”. You have to be careful how you understand that sort of term. only lovers DVD

I’m not even sure I’m cross with Jarmusch – I think he’s totally taking the piss.

Still I haven’t been as disappointed – nearly angry – by a film-watching experience since attempting to get through Mr. Pip.

I did make it through Only Lovers. Alive. But it took two attempts at watching it. And I should have quit when I had time still on my side. And the crushing realisation that the film was never going to get any better than its torturous opening half-hour could have stayed as something I never had confirmed. And never ever discussed.

Posted in Blog, Reviews and tagged with Coffee & Cigarettes, Dead Man, DVD, DVD Review, Film, Film Review, Jim Jarmusch, John Hurt, Movie Review, Only Lovers Left Alive, Tilda Swinton, Tom Hiddleston. RSS 2.0 feed.
« Digests: The Best of 2014’s Album Reviews – August
Johnny Marr: Playland »

One Response to Only Lovers Left Alive: DVD

  1. Ken says:
    October 7, 2014 at 2:56 am

    Si, this thing has to be Starship Troopers-style satire. Jarmusch is too smart to take those cultural blood-suckers seriously. The Charlie Feathers, the Gretsch, the shallow girl from LA. We only come out at night! It’s all too perfect. And there’s no way that reverential pause outside Jack White’s “birthplace” is played straight. The ending’s the giveaway. I bet he’s laughing all the way to Sundance. Rewatch it as a comedy I reckon.

Popular

  • The Best Guitarist in The World: # 8 – Mark Knopfler
  • Janna Lapidus Leblanc: Four Years In Pictures
  • Sweetman Podcast: Episode 73 – Janna Lapidus Leblanc
  • The Sad Story of Bob Welch: Fleetwood Mac’s Most Undervalued Member
  • Tea With Terrorists: Theatre
  • The Best Guitarist in The World: # 11 – Lindsey Buckingham
  • Bring Concert Films Back To the Big Screen
  • Nope: Film
  • Neil Peart Was The World’s Most Overrated Drummer
  • R.I.P. Ronny Jordan

Archives

Tags

Album Review Auckland Blog Book Book Review Chat Compilation DJ Drums DVD EP Film Film Review Gig Gig Review Guest Blog Guitar Interview Jazz Live Live Gig LP Movie Music NZ Podcast Poem Poetry Record Records Short Story Simon Sweetman Soundtrack Spotify Stub Stubs Sweetman Podcast The Vinyl Countdown Vinyl Want more? Check out my Substack You can also support Off The Tracks via PressPatron Wellington Wgtn Writing You can support Off The Tracks via PressPatron [OST]

Categories

  • Back Catalogue
  • Blog
  • Interviews
  • Miscellany
  • Mixtapes
  • Playlists
  • Podcasts
  • Reviews
  • Scene Of The Day
  • Special Guests
  • The Vinyl Countdown

Off The Tracks is the home of Sweetman Podcast, a weekly interview/chat-based pod. It's also home to my reviews across film, TV, music and books and some creative writing as well.

Off The Tracks aims to provide quality reviews and essays, regular blog updates about the shows, albums, books and movies you should be experiencing.

It's a passion project. Your support will help to keep Off The Tracks online.

All content © 2022 by Off The Tracks. WordPress Themes by Graph Paper Press