I went and saw that Rhys Darby bonehead the other year. Holy shit is he not funny! But when I saw him it was at the peak of his post-Conchords fame. He’d been in a couple of movies doing his shticky bit-part thing. Kiwi twang following him too closely. And we were all supposed to give a shit that someone – anyone! – had , er, “made it” on “the world stage”. I’d heard though, from far too many people, that he was actually really funny and really clever in his stand-up shows. So, whilst it was a job – as in a requirement, part of my role, of how I scrape together a living – I was actually curious to see him return to the stage and do his thing.
Oh man was it ever awful.
Funny thing though – I wrote this review – I’ll show you it in a minute, I’ll include it here as part of today’s piece – and people talked about it for a while after. Which doesn’t usually happen, nor should it really. I mean I guess I should think that’s a good thing – that the review is memorable, but really I’m no fool, I write these things for tomorrow’s fish’n’chip paper, I move on pretty quickly too. I have no vendettas. I’m not out to get Rhys Darby. I don’t give a fuck that he does what he does – I say good on him for being given the platform, or earning it or whatever, to let mediocrity shine. If it is all uncovered one day as some ultimate act of dada – that he really was trying to be the world’s un-funniest, totally shit-ist comedian then I would do the one thing I’ve never been able to do around his comedy: laugh. Actually two things: I’d applaud him as well.
But anyway, several weeks after the review ran people continued to ask me – some just bowling up in the street in that awkward backward-but-totally-forward way Kiwis have once they’re sure you’re fair game – if I had liked the show or not. They really could not tell. One guy even asked me to settle a bet he’d had with his wife – she was sure I hated it and was taking the piss, he was convinced I had loved the show and that his wife had it all wrong. He chatted to me at a bus-stop one day. Nice guy. But I had to tell him that no, I had not at all enjoyed it. And that yes, his wife was – once again – right. I got the feeling she was right more often than he was. I’ve not met her. But sometimes you get that sort of a feeling.
I’m often asked to “just describe the bloody show”, to leave my own opinion out of it and to be “objective”. This is how well we understand the critical process in New Zealand, this is what we say when we feel upset that our view wasn’t broadcast in the paper, that we can’t stand around the water-cooler and smirk that we liked the show – and “so did the guy that writes for the newspaper”. Now, get it right or get it wrong I completely and sincerely do not care whether I am reflecting your opinion. That’s not my job. My job is to give mine. But I decided to try this objective-thing out when working out a way to review Rhys Darby. I had sat there baffled – the audience in stitches, just howling with laughter. You know, as if they were hearing the Seven Dirty Words speech from George Carlin the very first time – at the time. Or watching Richard Pryor re-enact his freebasing bonfire. Or seeing the red-suited Eddie Murphy just kill – absolutely fucking kill – for 90 minutes. Non-stop. They – this audience – were putting Rhys Darby on that same sort of pedestal. And I couldn’t fucking believe it. But I decided I’d do as I had been told by the bought-a-ticket-boffins for once and I would be so goddamn fucking objective.
Here’s what I wrote to reflect what I – and everyone there – saw:
Rhys Darby says a word. Any word. There’s a laugh. He has more of a nasal twang to his voice sometimes – but it’s funny, no matter the amount of twang, no matter the word. Sometimes there is an expletive. And that’s always hilarious. It’s as if Murray (his character from Flight Of The Conchords) is actually swearing. In real life. Amazing. Hilarious. 
There was the bit where he pretended to be an Olympic swimmer heading into a bar so in he walked while miming some freestyle arm-strokes because swimmers are always swimming – even on dry land. Funny. And then when the Olympic swimmer realised he was in the wrong bar he backstroked out of there – with real backstroke-actions. The side-splitting kind.
Next thing Rhys Darby is being a horse. Not just any kind of horse though – a dressage horse. So he’s doing really funny side-stepping and bowing and lifting his legs high, keeping them straight as he pretends to be a horse walking backwards. It’s very tricky for a horse to walk backwards and so a comedian-pretending-to-be-a-horse must take extra care when miming what it must be like to experience this equine difficulty. Crack-up.
The full house exploded with laughter as Darby ran back and forth across the stage trying to land his empty handshake. You see he had no one to shake his hand and – arm fully extended – what was he going to do? He had to ground the handshake, sinking to the stage to slide it down for a landing. Very funny. Then he mimed his fingers crawling out – as if disembarking from a plane you see. The fingers did the walking across the stage, up his leg and back into his pocket. As if nothing had happened. But then, hilariously, it was the wrong pocket! So he crossed his arms and put his other arm in the wrong pocket – next thing he’s a walking straitjacket. Make it stop! Make it stop! (Seriously – nobody was able to make it stop).
Rhys Darby entertained with sound effects. He can still do a robot noise and make the sound of doors swinging and creaking. He can make whizzing-air noises as imaginary Frisbees soar. And it is always hilarious because he was on TV in America. And in movies too.
*
So that was my review of Rhys Darby from his 2012 show. A few months later I received the very same show to review on DVD. That’s comedy-reviewing-karma for ya, eh?
But seriously, his was the worst live comedy show I’ve been to – ever. Because the audience was so into this stupid, awful, terrible, not-funny bullshit. I mean I’ve seen comedians die on stage, or very nearly. I’ve seen bad – but this will always be the worst thing I’ve ever sat through. Always.
I did my best there to explain just what I saw that night. And I saw – and heard – a lot of laughter too. Too much fucking laughter I think. So I’d like to know what you think – a) is Rhys Darby seriously – brutally, tragically – unfunny? And b) what’s the worst live comedy event you’ve been to? [The correct answer to b) by the way is Rhys Darby. But that’s me just reading back today’s report and being all objective and shit].
It Was The Worst started life as a series of posts on the Phantom Billstickers Facebook page
Yes he is deeply, fundamentally unfunny. The correct answer to (b) is pretty much any NZ standup comedian of the past 20 years.
Well I like Rhys -but I think that his comedy suffers/profits from the fact that people are laughing AT him rather than laughing WITH him. Nationally and internationally, I think that a lot of the TFOTC “team” success has been that the world has realized how very peculiar Kiwi’s are (-just look at the bird bro) -and Kiwi’s are ready to blush and cringe at themselves,-like some over-weight nearsighted girl who’s shower curtain has fallen to the changing room floor mid-gym class. -Ki-vees are realizing how absurd we must seem -because let’s face it -in the context of the wider world -we’re a weird as fuck. However -if I’m going to put money on who’s funny I’m going to shell for Rhys -mainly because he’s made me laugh before -and there’s a good chance he’ll do it again (even if I’m only laughing at him, laughing at me, -laughing at them.) -Good luck with the day job Simon, -but don’t – give up the stand up 😉
he’s absolutely fucking awful…not a laugh to be had within a fucking galaxy of where he performs
thats good man, ever considered stand up:>
He’s not funny. New Zealanders are conditioned to have a pavlovian reflex to applaud the antics of the underdog, especially one of ours, despite the fact most of our commedians aren’t funny. Even Billy T James wasn’t particularly funny – mostly dad jokes with the racism subverted – we just remember hism as funny because of cognitive dissonance created by our craving for nostalgia.
he did one about a handshake i thought was funny in that kiwi rural backward murray way, but yeah i want my stanups poets of a fucking generation spewing bile but not going to elitist either.Its one of those things you cant overdose on the standup, I’ll think yeah il get into it and tube a bunch, over it pretty quickly, Is it just the sheer balls we admire, and with the refracted ‘made it’ overseas category, thats the saddest bit, I;m so over that I want no one to make it overses ever again in anything,
Sounds like you were the only one that didn’t have fun at the Tall Poppy show. Maybe you should have resorted to the bar beforehand.
http://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/when-life-gives-you-lemons-grab-tequila-salt-9.png
I think tone of the funniest and talented comedic and dramatic actors is Peter Rowley
I went to Arj Barker….The rehearsed stuff was pretty bland, a few funnies but overall, quite long winded and a lot of setting up for flat punchlines. But then his mike broke, and he came up with some inpromptu stuff, and mocked one audience member and the venue quite a bit, and that was the funniest comedy I’ve ever been to. Maybe he should never rehearse.
At last, a real review — I don’t get why so many NZ comedians are exalted as much as they are – and I don’t understand why NZ’s critics are so easy on some of these VERY BAD ACTS. I sometimes feel very alone in NZ! And among my friends – I just don’t get NZ humour – I was born here for god’s sake. I watch a lot of classic UK comedy such as ‘Till Death Us Do Part, Dad’s Army and more recent stuff like The In-betweeners, This is Jinsy, The League of Gentlemen, Psychoville, Benidorm etc – and plenty of Aussie comedy – esp from the 80s-90s – and the likes of Summer Heights High etc – very very clever and funny. We don’t seem to have anything that matches or surpasses this stuff – why? I get soooo bored with the 7 Days people for example. Its like its all laboured or overly prescribed. The ONLY funny programme from NZ that I’ve seen – that comes close to genuinely comedic is 7 periods with mr gormsby. Keep me in the loop Simon S – this is the best review of RD I’ve ever read.
Fabulous. I’m not on my own after all. Just came across the blog after I had seen his current 2 degrees ad doing his incredibly lame water sprinkler dance thing for the umpteenth time on youtube, and google raged until I found this blog (took about 2 seconds).
I watched and listened a lot of stand up and comedy when I was younger (everything from the Goons, and Hancock onwards through Python … even seriously crap stuff like the Grumbleweeds, Little and Large, and The Krankies) … so I feel I can spot a relatively funny person a mile off, generally.
But Rhys Darby is something else entirely. He is quite possibly the most infinitely unfunny man this side of … Dai Henwood (yes, another smug, unfunny man who should, in my humble opinion, be punched in the face for crimes against comedy).
I mean to say why does he still have a career? He is just not in any way humorous. He does lame, dumb routines (admittedly, I’ve never watched him for more than a couple of seconds before wanting to commit hari-kari … but what I have seen has been … illuminating) which people seem to like … but they’re not even funny dumb. They’re just stupid, dumb, inane, and a complete waste of your space, time, and universe.
But then again this affliction of lame, un-funniness does seem to run throughout the entirety of NZ comedy (exception: John Clarke, of course, who doesn’t count because he is essentially an Australian, now): Maori/Polynesian humour seems to be stuck in some godawful juvenile 1970s, people like those “Have I Got News For You” wannabes seem to like crudity above wit but do it without any style at all and radiate smugness on an incandescent level, and The Flight of The Conchords seemed to be of the opinion that extremely contrived po-faced blokes doing “amusing” comedy songs was funny (memo: it isn’t). Somehow, people around the world thought they were funny … which I still can’t understand.
My current thinking on the matter is that NZ is just too young as a culture to do comedy justice, as of yet. I think you have to have a long history to be able to have a humour that can be witty, and NZ is just not there as of December 2014.
However, this still does not excuse or explain Darby’s popularity, or indeed the popularity of any of the current crop of NZ “comedians” (I use that word … advisedly).
It may be that nature doesn’t like a vacuum, and will fill it with any crap. That would explain a lot.
Still … why do we have to put up with guys who would be stoned to death for being unfunny in high school, and then go on to have successful careers. I just don’t get it.
Just had a thought. Given a time machine, Darby could do something funny, and also help world peace. Go back to the army, and get shot. Now that would be hilarious …
Best wishes
HPrice
ps working on a time machine as we speak. Any helpers would be greatly appreciated …
Such a scathing review that I’d say you do give a fuck, very much.
There seems to be a recurring theme in what you’ve written.
I quote you;
” the audience in stitches howling with laughter”
” they put Rhys on a pedestal ”
” the full house exploded with laughter ”
” the audience was in stitches ”
” I saw and heard a lot of laughter ”
I think that says it all really.
I hope you get to meet plenty more of Rhys’s fans while waiting for ur next bus.
Rest assured Rhys won’t be on the bus, but nice and warm in a comfy limo somewhere in L.A
Such a scathing review that I’d say you do give a fuck, very much.
There seems to be a recurring theme in what you’ve written.
I quote you;
” the audience in stitches howling with laughter”
” they put Rhys on a pedestal ”
” the full house exploded with laughter ”
” the audience was in stitches ”
” I saw and heard a lot of laughter ”
I think that says it all really.
I hope you get to meet plenty more of Rhys’s fans while waiting for ur next bus.
Rest assured Rhys won’t be on the bus, but nice and warm in a comfy limo somewhere in L.A
Actually, all of what he wrote says it all. That you need to cherry pick a small amount of sentences to invent your own conclusions, certainly says it all about your need to mold reality to what you want to see.
Actually, all of what he wrote says it all. That you need to cherry pick a small amount of sentences to invent your own conclusions, certainly says it all about your need to mold reality to what you want to see.
Thank you for this.
Right now Rhys Darby is showing up unfathomably often on a show here in America called @midnight with chris hardwick. In this show three comedians are allegedly competing in a gameshow format to give snarky, funny answers to current events in popular culture and on social media. It is obvious that the comedians get to see the scripted questions so they can craft an always funny answer during a rapidfire environment. And pretty much the every does have snappy responses to snarky questions. And that all makes for a very funny show.
But even with this tremendous advatage, it is a equally obvious that not only does Rhys Darby not have a bug pre-show think, but he apparently feels that his winning charm will be enough to carry the day. It is not. Standing there with a shit-eating grin on your face when you answer something like “Chair!” does not charm or humor make. Especially if that answer isn’t remotely related to the questionposed. The worst part is that he looks very pleased with himsel when he does. He also xommits the crime of talkin too much, interrupting other comics, and basically sucking into their time while sucking all the air right off the set.
In summation: NOTNOTNOTNOTNOTNOT FUNNY AT ALL, BUT BLISSFULLY UNAWARE OF THIS.
Thank you for this.
Right now Rhys Darby is showing up unfathomably often on a show here in America called @midnight with chris hardwick. In this show three comedians are allegedly competing in a gameshow format to give snarky, funny answers to current events in popular culture and on social media. It is obvious that the comedians get to see the scripted questions so they can craft an always funny answer during a rapidfire environment. And pretty much the every does have snappy responses to snarky questions. And that all makes for a very funny show.
But even with this tremendous advatage, it is a equally obvious that not only does Rhys Darby not have a bug pre-show think, but he apparently feels that his winning charm will be enough to carry the day. It is not. Standing there with a shit-eating grin on your face when you answer something like “Chair!” does not charm or humor make. Especially if that answer isn’t remotely related to the questionposed. The worst part is that he looks very pleased with himsel when he does. He also xommits the crime of talkin too much, interrupting other comics, and basically sucking into their time while sucking all the air right off the set.
In summation: NOTNOTNOTNOTNOTNOT FUNNY AT ALL, BUT BLISSFULLY UNAWARE OF THIS.
Sorry for all the typos!
Sorry for all the typos!
Sorry for all the typos!
Sorry for all the typos!