Reviewed by Oscar Sweetman (age 7)
Hi guys, it’s me – Oscar. I am seven now, and it’s time for a new review. As promised I’m going to talk about Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle.
On one picture it says 12+ for the age – but that doesn’t mean you have to be 12 to read this review. But if you’ve seen it, it will make more sense.
I am lucky because when I was like, 6 and a half, Dad let me watch it because my friends who are nearly 12 and had seen the first one wanted to watch it. It was in the adult’s corner of our video store.
So, there are people who get detention and they play a video game and choose their characters. ‘Fridge’ chose ‘Mouse Finbar’, Spencer chose ‘Dr Bravestone’, Martha chose ‘Ruby Roundhouse’, Bethany chose ‘Shelly Oberon’ and it’s funny because Bethany is a woman but Professor Shelly Oberon is played by Jack Black – so it means she turns into a man.
When they play the game they get sucked right into it – and are living in the game and become their avatars that they chose. And if you lose a tattoo it means you’re in danger, and when you lose all of them you die in the game.
So, Jack Black loses one at the beginning because he gets eaten by a rhino and fell out of the sky.
Ruby Roundhouse is in love with Spencer.
She fights the men – and she is really good at fighting!
Because they need to distract her, and I think they are getting the plane to get the jewel to put it up in the bizarre to go up a level and win the game. When you see the elephant you begin the climb.
There’s a gross bit where Kevin Hart pulls a tooth out of a snake’s mouth and the people who Ruby is fighting are friends with Bobby Cannavale – he is a baddie! There is a violent bit at the end where he wants the jewel. He goes, “Give me the jewel or your friend dies”, and he puts the gun on him, ready to shoot him if he doesn’t give him the jewel. And then he goes, “5, 4, 3, 2, 1” and then Kevin Hart comes out on an animal and calls him a “Zoology B-word”. (The one that rhymes with witch). There’s also the ‘Sh’-word in it. And I don’t mean…”Shhhh”.
The note on the movie-cover is “PG: Violence. Coarse Language. And Sexual References”. Violence means fighting and beating people up. Coarse language means swear words like the ‘B-word’ and the ‘S-word’ and sexual references means k-i-s-s-i-n-g…
There’s another violent bit where Dwayne Johnson calls Kevin Hart a “dumb-ass” and then pushes him off a cliff, and just like Jack Black, he falls 100m out of the school. Kevin Hart says “I could kick the sh… out of you right now”. And then Dwayne Johnson says, “I’d like to see you try”. And then after he falls from the sky he goes, “don’t you call me a dumb-ass and don’t you push me” and then Kevin Hart goes, “Or what, Spencer?” And he says, “Or I’ll push you back”. And then he whacks him in the face but Dwayne Johnson is used to it because he is really good at fighting. And then he pushes him back and he falls on to the back of the cliff and he goes, “Aaaargh, what the hell??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
After Jack Black gets eaten by the rhino they run away from the rhino and see the car, ad then Rhys Darby tell them all about it and says the Bizarre is where they put the jewel to save Jumanji. They climb up to put the jewel at the top and call out its name and look for the missing piece…they think it’s the missing piece of a map but it’s actually a human. And he’s been stuck in the game for 20 years.
I would give it four and a half stars out of five because at the end when they turn back into humans, after the game, it’s a bit boring. But that’s not the main bit of the story. It’s mostly really great.
So that’s our review, guys. I promised the next review would be Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 and then Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone and then the pantomime, Puss in Boots and then The Simpsons Movie. I will also review Kiwi Christmas, the New Zealand movie. Then Despicable Me
and then Horrid Henry
Bye guys, I hope you liked this review. Check out the film. I think you’ll really like it. But if you’re less than 12 ask your mother!
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