Miscellany

Adapting. That’s the goal of the music and arts journo now. Has been the case for a few years. But never more so than right now. I started 2018 wondering if there was much point in writing or if there were any readers left for me at all even. I then decided it was about gathering experiences and enjoying them. I was no longer on the clock and forced to go to gigs – it was about choice. I still wrote a few reviews of course. Same deal with albums. I mostly hunted out records for myself, writing about them long after they were deemed “Brand New”. Or not writing about them at all, just enjoying them. Read More »

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December 30, 2018 by Simon Sweetman

The 1001 Albums Challenge # 115: Dwight Yoakam – “Buenas Noches From A Lonely Room”

I remember in the very early 1990s or possibly right at the end of the late 80s – might even have been New Year’s Eve programming – seeing a video clip from Dwight Yoakam and I thought it was cool. The rest of the family did not. They are not country music fans. At all. And that coloured my early music listening. No country music at all. All country was considered “Country ‘n’ Western”; was considered the music that the grandparents listened to, was naff, not cool, not worthy. But I remembered the name Dwight Yoakam and though it was a few years before I got into any of his music – and mostly the covers and compilation albums – I always wanted to like him. And I did. But there’s a lot of his stuff I haven’t heard. So here, with this, his third album – Buenas Noches From A Lonely Room – I might have eventually got to it but the challenge is the enabler. And I’m pleased to now have this in my collection. A lean, immaculate collection of top-quality songs from a class act. Read More »

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December 28, 2018 by Simon Sweetman

DJ Setlist: San Fran presents Summer Sounds with Simon Sweetman, December 28, 2018

Most years between Christmas and New Year’s I do a wee DJ set at the San Fran, our way of letting the people know the bar’s open again in the lead up to Bill E’s New Year’s Eve extravaganza. It’s a low-key thing. Summer tunes. Usually “Kiwi BBQ” is the theme, this year I decided to play some kitsch and classic Kiwi tunes but also some Yacht Rock and other 70s and 80s staples. A random mix really. Just some tunes I like. That’s always the plan. Or as much of a plan as there can be. So it was all vinyl all night, and here’s what was played… Read More »

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December 27, 2018 by Simon Sweetman

The 1001 Albums Challenge # 114: Happy Mondays – “Bummed”

Again, Happy Mondays occupy a strange space for me. I was never a fan. And never really not-a-fan at the same time. I had some mates that were into them – but the whole Madchester/Second Summer of Love thing passed me by, I guess I was a bit young to care about it – or know about it – at the time. So I get that it’s special for people, and it meant something and I don’t at all hate the Happy Mondays but as with Stone Roses and Primal Scream and a few other bands of that era and ilk – the time and/or space – I just can’t really care. Read More »

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December 21, 2018 by Simon Sweetman

Poem: Date Scone

We lined up at the
counter, to order
coffees and a snack.

The way families do,
when catching up now.

My mum and my
dad, visiting
briefly, and we

had done a wee
tour of the town – so it
was time to sit down
for a bit.

My father ordered
a date scone – and when
the person at the counter
asked if he’d like it heated
he threw that heat right back:

“Absolutely not!”

We found a table
and he was still going…

“Absolutely pointless!”

No one said anything. A beat.
Another. And then,

“I hate when they ask
if you’d like the scone
heated. Who wants a
scone heated? It ruins it.
Simple as that”.

These
were the
facts.

I made the mistake
of suggesting
that – actually – maybe
more than a few people
liked their scones
heated. Seemed likely
if the wait-staff figured
it worth asking of anyone,
right?

“Well, I don’t”.

A beat. And another.
And then:

“It ruins the flavor –
There’s no point –
It’s messy –
The butter turns to slop –
It crumbles. It falls to
bits. And pieces – ”

These were the reasons.
Or some of them.

My mother was stirring
her drink.

I was too.

(Well, stirring my own
drink, I mean).

The scone arrived.

I felt like it deserved
a fanfare, I heard trumpets
in my own head at least.

He spread the
butter, corners,
a thick blanket,
yellow on yellow,
but faded. A quick
flick of the knife,
turn it over and
spread once again.

And then the
first bite.

We waited. We felt
we needed to.

“See”, he announced
proudly, “that. is. a.
scone”.

I didn’t check with
mum – but I was sure
we’d both known that
already.

“And that”, he continued
“is how you do it. You
don’t heat it. There’s
no point. It’s ridiculous”.

I said, “I agree” and
he looked hopeful for
a second.

“It’s certainly ridiculous”,
I confirmed,

as we stood to head
for the car.

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December 21, 2018 by Simon Sweetman

The 1001 Albums Challenge # 113: Fishbone – “Truth and Soul”

I never ever listened to Fishbone – but I have a feeling I meant to. At least at one point or other. I recall reading about their drummer, Phillip “Fish” Fisher – and I had them somewhere between Bad Brains and Living Colour and maybe that’s exactly where they are. And maybe it’s not. But I did enjoy working through this, the band’s second album. I say working because, well, it is an assignment. And I didn’t at all love this album but I certainly didn’t hate it.

Funny/interesting cover of Superfly’s Freddie’s Dead (Curtis Mayfield). It’s simultaneously awful and wonderful.

Mostly this record just reminded me to go back to listening to Curtis Mayfield.

But certainly Fishbone was far less heavy than I thought: as in they’re not actually heavy at all. So that was interesting. In that sense I had Fishbone super wrong. Like how I grew up thinking The Grateful Dead was some kind of metal band…

I’m going through the book, 1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die, and playing all of the albums I haven’t (previously) heard. It’s a pointless goal, but it’s my goal…

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December 18, 2018 by Simon Sweetman

Poem: one new year’s eve

a mate of mine,
– not a mate anymore –
used to carry with him
a card; picture of a monkey
swinging from a tree…
well, chimpanzee, but we
all call them monkeys when
we’re telling the stories…

he’d laugh when we’d ask
why he carried that card.

told us we’d never know when
it might come in handy.

we all went along with it
– “he’s mad”, we’d say, laughing –
little did we know…
and then we knew…
and we didn’t
want to.

one new year’s eve you
were walking along with
him, the pub’s all boring,
the queue’s all long
or else the bar was dead,
nothing in-between…

then he tapped a guy
on the shoulder, as you
waited in one queue.

(‘uh-oh’, you thought, but
still hoped for the best).

next thing: ‘and what did you
say, cunt?’ said your friend, your
pal, the meathead…

‘you getting smart cunt, you getting
smart cunt, you getting smart, eh?’,

he said to a person whose lip
was buttoned, who didn’t say
a thing and possibly, in that
moment couldn’t for the fear
enveloping him.

next thing: bang!
a big smack behind his ear.
dull thud, as he hit the concrete
– a horrible sound.

and your mate laughing, for
no apparent reason. the madness
enveloping him, alive with
the glow of too many beers.

and then the bouncer
grabbing him, they wrestled
for not too long.

“back pocket, mate”, your
friend had said, lost deep inside
his own movie and long ago.

he signalled to his wallet, the
bouncer opened it with a shrug.

“well, you’ll want some i.d”
your mate said, elated.

handing him the card
with the monkey on it
from the weetbix packet

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December 17, 2018 by Simon Sweetman

The 1001 Albums Challenge # 112: The Triffids – “Calenture”

I so love the album Born Sandy Devotional that even if The Triffids did nothing else of value at all I’d still tell you they’re one of my favourite bands.

Turns out they made a small handful of perfectly imperfect albums and I’m still getting to them.

I hadn’t heard Calenture – which has changed now of course, or else you wouldn’t be reading this… Read More »

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December 16, 2018 by Simon Sweetman

Summer Sounds with Simon Sweetman: DJ Set (Friday, Dec. 28, 2018)

When I’m in Wellington in-between Christmas and New Year’s – my favourite time to be in Wellington, the city is sleeping, it’s holiday-time – I play a DJ set up at the San Fran. I missed the chance last year due to being away for a long stretch, but often at this time of the year I’m there with a bunch of records, playing Kiwi classics…

This year I’m going to play the Kiwi classics, sure, but I’m also going to set sail into Yacht Rock territory too. Read More »

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December 16, 2018 by Simon Sweetman

The 1001 Albums Challenge # 111: Napalm Death – “Scum”

I’ve been aware of Napalm Death for some time but I’ve done very little listening; I regret not going to see the band when they played here a few years back…I saw a few years, it was probably around a decade now…but yeah…one of those names to tick off an imaginary list or something…

I don’t have the time to invest though – I remember spending quite a while with the more recent album, Time Waits For No Slave but I have imposter-syndrome dealing with a lot of metal and punk and heavy stuff; I’m a fly-by-nighter. I feel like being a real, true metal fan is a bit like being someone up with the play with classical music – you can be into all sorts but that one genre is going to dominate. Read More »

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December 13, 2018 by Simon Sweetman

Poem: muscle-memory

i was thinking
the other day about
how my grandfather

introduced me to a
lot of great films – weird
films, movies not meant
for me – at that age.

he took me to battletruck.

(i was about 6).

and we saw some tarzan movie
that wasn’t particularly
appropriate.

(i had an older brother, still do
in fact – so maybe that was part
of the reason, couldn’t be bothered
trying to pick the middle-ground –
or, shit, maybe he thought he
was picking the middle-ground…

he also had this trick. we would get
a rush munro’s ice-cream after
the movies – and my brother would
always choose chocolate. i would get
vanilla. that was the only
flavour you could get in
the baby-size. so he’d buy me the
baby-size. and one day, when i guess i
finally clicked, i ordered
chocolate and my grandfather was a
bit flustered – he’d probably packed
correct-change in advance).

one time we stayed
as their house – we would stay
there often on saturday nights if
mum and dad had “a function” –

and he was watching a
british drama; that dark sort
of thing, the type roald dahl used
to write. (as well as those books
for kids).

and because he was watching
it, we were too…

and i remember it had a millionaire
guy, old guy, he had a trophy wife
and she had cheated on him, she had
boasted about being the trophy-wife too

and so he designed this special sound-room
and he killed her by trapping her in it and playing
ear-piercing frequencies. literally-so. her
ears bled.

he chuckled as she struggled and crumpled
to the floor, and he said something
like, ‘i shall dance on your grave,
selina’ (i am pretty-sure her name was
selina).

and then the next – and final scene – of the
movie, or tv-drama, or whatever, was a
limo pulling up to the gravesite.

a pair of black shoes and some business trousers
came into view. the chauffeur pressed play
on a boombox. the millionaire-murderer-man
did a wee soft-shoe-shuffle as the boombox
played polite jazz.

the camera confirmed that it was selina’s
grave. and that, yes, he was dancing on it.

and then the credits rolled.

“right, time for my bed”,
my grandfather said.

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December 12, 2018 by Simon Sweetman

The 1001 Albums Challenge # 110: Laibach – “Opus Dei”

Despite the Slovenian industrial band being around since the very start of the 1980s – and on record since at least the mid-80s I had not heard Laibach until the release of their 2003 opus, WAT. I kinda liked it. There was a world to discover. It arrived liked most musical letterbombs at that time – a CD in the mail; write about it…

And though I wasn’t turned into a Laibach fan I don’t dislike them; disrupters are necessary and I have enjoyed (if that’s the word) their covers albums in particular. Read More »